State of the Union

Can't seem to make myself clean my apartment. And it's dirty...really dirty, not just the usual messy. The evil Volvo is boasting a red "Check Engine" light, although she appears to be just fine. Not sure if she's crying wolf this time, but this car and I seem to have a relationship that needs to end. Where to find the money for a new(er) car? Good question. Work 40+ hours a week and still can't seem to make ends meet. Solutions... realistically... need a new better paying job or 2nd job. My Dad would help if he could, but let's face it, my Dad's plate is overflowing trying to care for my Mom, and what right have I to accept his help when I could help him by taking care of my Mom in my free time, but I don't because it makes me crazy and brings up too much unresolved childhood anger. Would leave the house and go do something (since I'm obviously not cleaning) but where to go when you're broke and the damn Check Engine light is taunting you! So I've slept, most of today. Been doing that a lot lately. Sometimes I dream I'm somewhere beautiful. Sometimes I dream I'm driving a new car. Sometimes I dream I'm in love. Sometimes I dream that my Mom can walk. Sometimes I dream about friends that I miss. Sometimes I dream that I am thin and beautiful. Sometimes I dream that I have a lovely home and people who love me in... Dreaming is good.