10

Once again, APj has challenged me. So I will jump…
I hesitated to post this, because so many of them seem “negative.” But when I think of all the good things I have to say to those who are important to me, I realize that, for the most part, I have said them. I will remind myself to continue to let people in, and tell them how much they mean to me.

1. I brought you into my life when I felt so alone and suicidal. You saved me with your love and unending devotion. You asked for so little in return. You endure my abuses and bad moods. I fear I will soon and forever miss you.

2. You walked out of my life with cryptic words, so out of character I still sometimes don’t believe they came from you. After all we’d shared it nearly destroyed me. But I survived, and I am so much stronger. You will always have a place in my heart. I think of you often, and I forgive you.

3. You really don’t deserve me. But I still want you. I miss the way it felt to be with you when anything was possible.

4. I really want to be the person you need me to be, but I can’t. There is too much that was always left unsaid. So many hurts, resentments, and unmet needs. Too few memories of comfort and wisdom shared. I wish peace for you, but I also selfishly wish freedom for myself.

5. I am tired of your pain, your wasted talent and your immaturity. I can give no more until you take responsibility for yourself. I know- it sucks to have to be a grown-up, but don’t you think it’s time?

6. Every time I see you, my heart aches. You are such a beautiful and fragile soul. I want to heal all the hurts they inflicted with their ignorance and selfishness. I want to see the light behind your eyes again.

7. I love you more than any person I have ever known. From the first time I looked into your eyes. I would do anything for you. You are so precious. You are golden.

8. I wish I had been there for you in the end. I wish I had spent more time with you, and never allowed myself to become embarrassed by your exuberance and joy. I feel your presence and know you are watching over me. Thank you. I love you. I miss you.

9. You reel me in with your confidences and vulnerability. I am flattered that you trust me. I value that bond. Yet, I am tired of being everyone’s best girl, and nobody’s woman.

10. Your insecurity overwhelms and tires me. You allow yourself to wallow in hurts that were unintentional. If you truly believe that you cannot be loved the way you are right now… then maybe it’s time for change.