At it again

Dang it you guys- you know I can't control myself:)

Your Hidden Talent

You are a great communicator. You have a real way with words.You're never at a loss to explain what you mean or how you feel.People find it easy to empathize with you, no matter what your situation.When you're up, you make everyone happy. But when you're down, everyone suffers.

What's" Your Hidden Talent?

The Movie Of Your Life Is An Indie Flick

You do things your own way - and it's made for colorful times.Your life hasn't turned out how anyone expected, thank goodness! Your best movie matches: Clerks, Garden State, Napoleon Dynamite

If Your Life Was a Movie, What Genre Would It Be?

In a Past Life...

You Were: A Friendly Herbalist. Where You Lived: Scotland. How You Died: Natural causes.

Who Were You In a Past Life?

What's the difference between a friendly herbalist and a drug dealer?

Lasagna

So there’s this new restaurant in your neighborhood. You walk by it every day. It’s looks like a decent place and as you pass by, you wonder if you should try it out. One day while walking by you decide to check out the menu. There are several items that appeal to you, so you stop in for dinner. You order the grilled chicken, but the waiter tells you that the special today is lasagna. You say you’ll stick with the chicken, but the waiter insists that this is the best lasagna you’ve ever tasted and you really must try it. Again, you decline and order the chicken. The chicken is pretty damn tasty. So tasty that you return to the restaurant again, soon.

On your second visit, the waiter again recommends the lasagna. Again, you decline. “Lasagna is too rich,” you proclaim, “I’ll have the salmon.”

Third visit, same routine.

Fourth visit, you relent. The lasagna smells really good, and you do love lasagna, so what the hell- you order the lasagna. And…it…is…fabulous!

So fabulous that you return the next week, and order it again. It’s even better than you remembered.

So of course, next week, you go again. You order lasagna…yum…can’t wait…BUT- there is no lasagna today. Disappointed, you order the grilled chicken. It’s still pretty damn tasty. But it is…not…lasagna…

Next trip to the restaurant, still no lasagna. The grilled chicken is good, but, of course, it isn’t lasagna. You ask when lasagna is going to return to the menu. You chastise the waiter for getting you hooked on it. If he’d never made you try the lasagna, you’d be perfectly happy with the chicken. But after that lasagna…you feel…unsatisfied. The waiter responds “What lasagna?” “Excuse me?” you look around the place. Have you entered the wrong restaurant? You check the waiter’s name badge. Is this a new waiter who just looks like the other one? The other waiter who tempted you with lasagna and now denies it? No, same place, same waiter, same grilled chicken. The lasagna however has mysteriously disappeared and apparently is not to be spoken of.

Hmmm? You like the restaurant. You like the grilled chicken. You want the lasagna. Do you keep going to the restaurant? I mean the lasagna may come back, right? You’d miss the grilled chicken. It was damn good lasagna….

For Your Eyes Only

Scene Three

(Daniel enters, with Zoe trailing behind. He immediately goes into the tent and comes out with a traveling alarm clock. )


Zoe:
I knew it. You just couldn’t stand it could you? You had to know what time it is.

Daniel:
If you hadn’t thrown my watch into the lake…

Zoe:
I did not throw it into the lake.

Daniel:
You did.

Zoe:
No, I threw it at a water moccasin.

Daniel:
You threw it at a stick that was floating in the lake.

Zoe:
Well I thought it was a water moccasin.

Daniel:
It wasn’t.

Zoe:
I realize that now, but at the time I thought it was a water moccasin.

Daniel:
And throwing my watch at it was going to do what exactly?

Zoe:
Keep it away.

Daniel:
You didn’t even hit it.

Zoe:
The water moccasin?

Daniel:
The stick! It was a floating stick! There was no water moccasin!

Zoe:
Fine. I’ll buy you a new watch when we get home.

Daniel:
What am I supposed to do until then?

Zoe:
Why does it matter what time it is? Here we are out in the woods for three days. Just the two of us, camping out and trying to decide where to scatter Evan’s ashes. What the fuck difference does it make what time it is?

Daniel:
It doesn’t really make any difference, I guess.

Zoe:
Right.

Daniel:
(Looking at the clock.) Well, it’s late.

Zoe:
Daniel, you make me insane.

Daniel:
Don’t blame that on me.

Zoe:
A lot of it I do.

Daniel:
That’s not fair.

Zoe:
So? You’ve been driving me crazy my entire adult life.

Daniel:
That’s why we shouldn’t be together.

Zoe:
Because you drive me crazy?

Daniel:
Because you are crazy. My grandfather once told me never to lie with a woman who was crazier than me.

Zoe:
I’m not crazier than you. And it’s too late for that advice now isn’t it?

Daniel:
(Daniel checks the clock. Zoe “huffs” at him and points at the tent. Daniel crosses to tent and places alarm clock inside.)
Everyone makes mistakes.

Zoe:
Yeah. Wait…is that what I am to you? A mistake?

Daniel:
I didn’t mean it like that. Look Zoe, I’m tired. And like you said, we came up here to scatter Evan’s ashes. Can we just let it go for now?

Zoe:
Yeah.

Daniel:
Too bad we didn’t catch any fish today.

Zoe:
Yeah.

Daniel:
Yeah.

Zoe:
I wish Evan was here.

Daniel:
Well, he is in a way. (Zoe shoots him a puzzled look.) No, I don’t mean just his ashes.

Zoe:
We made out once you know.

Daniel:
You and Evan?

Zoe:
Yes.

Daniel:
And by “made out” you mean…?

Zoe:
Fuck you Daniel. The standard definition.

Daniel:
I wonder if it’s in Webster’s…

Zoe:
Daniel.

Daniel:
OK. I ‘m done. How come I never knew about it? You and Evan are both crap at keeping secrets.

Zoe:
It wasn’t a secret. And I don’t tell you everything.

Daniel:
You used to tell me everything. When did this supposed kiss take place?

Zoe:
Supposed? Ok- if you must know, it was on that Seattle trip.

Daniel:
The Seattle trip? Where was I?

Zoe:
I don’t know, getting drinks, playing the jukebox, taking a piss.

Daniel:
So this happened in a bar?

Zoe:
Where else did we go? I mean do you even remember the Seattle trip?

Daniel:
Well, vaguely. But I guess that proves your point. Wait, this was the day of the dive bar tour of Seattle with Beth wasn’t it?

Zoe:
Um hm. We were in the back room of that last bar. Remember the one right by Pike Place Market? Where Evan kept trying to catch the damn fish flying overhead. And the two kids that worked there were laughing their asses off playing keep away from the drunk guy with slabs of salmon. Well the next place we went to had that tiny little back room behind the bar. It was all dark and smoky, cuz you can still smoke in bars in Seattle. There was no one in there but the four of us and that old bald guy who kept trying to buy us drinks and look down my shirt. And I’m not really sure how it happened. He just started kissing me. And I asked him why he had waited so damn long to do that. I don’t think he ever answered me. I didn’t really care at the time.

Daniel:
And then what happened?

Zoe:
Nothing. That was it.

Daniel:
So you had the hots for this guy since I introduced you to him, which was like four years
before this road trip. You finally have him drunk in a bar, making out with you and that’s
it?

Zoe:
Yep

Daniel:
That’s so you Zoe. I swear to god you’re the only women I’ve ever known who can crawl into bed with a naked guy and just curl up and go to sleep.

Zoe:
It’s not my fault. I’m just not fuckable!

Daniel:
All women are fuckable.

Zoe:
I’m not.

Daniel:
You’re just not fuck-over-able, Zoe. You wouldn’t want to be.

Zoe:
That makes no sense whatsoever.

Daniel:
Yeah, it does. You know you always get yourself trapped in the “friend zone.” You meet a guy you’re interested in and you “befriend” him. You bring him into the group, make him feel welcome. All the while you’re harboring these sexual feelings that you pretend you don’t have. And if the guy should flirt with you, you back off, make it look like you’re not interested so you can stay safe. And you daydream about the future, when this friendship will “blossom” into a romance. And, pretty soon he’s fucking one of your friends, cuz lets face you’ve got some hot friends, and they aren’t afraid to present themselves as women first and “kindred souls” second, if at all. Then you’re all heart broken and betrayed. And you walk away thinking there’s something wrong with you and feeling sorry for yourself. It’s a pattern Zoe. It’s how you operate.

Zoe:
But I keep those guys in my life. I don’t go through them like water.

Daniel:
Like other women do?

Zoe:
Well, yeah. I don’t wanna burn my bridges.

Daniel:
You don’t get close enough to even cross your bridges, let alone burn them. You’ve gotta step up to the plate as a woman. Take a chance… get shot down… join the real world. We aren’t 18 anymore. This coy shit isn’t working for you.

Zoe:
I don’t know how to do that. It seems forced. I mean if I meet someone that I feel a connection with, what’s wrong with just being open to the possibilities instead of trying to “hook up?”

Daniel:
Nothing. If you’re actually open.

Zoe:
I’m open

Daniel:
You are so not open. You’re too scared.

Zoe:
I’m scared? Aren’t you the guy who prefers to not get too involved with the women he’s involved with?

Daniel:
That’s different.

Zoe:
How is it different? You have women that you care about deeply, then you have women that you sleep with. Neither one of us is regularly having sex with any one that we really care about.


Daniel:
At least I’m having sex.

Zoe:
At least I let people know me.

Daniel:
But you won’t let them touch you.

Zoe:
I let people touch me Daniel.

Daniel:
I don’t count.

Zoe:
You don’t have to tell me that.

Daniel:
Fuck you Zoe! I’m tired of this shit. You want to sit here and tell me how to have a relationship when you don’t know the first thing about relationships between men and women. And we are MEN Zoe. Not boys. “Oh Daniel, I met this cute boy..” Grow up Zoe. This is it. This is your life right now. It isn’t going to start when you meet the right guy, or find a better apartment. This is it. Oh forget it! Coming up here was a bad idea.

Zoe:
This was Evan’s favorite spot.

Daniel:
Evan isn’t with us.

(They pause as the reality of the line sinks in.)

Zoe:
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to piss you off. I’m sorry Danny. Sit back down.

Daniel:
I don’t want to sit down Zoe.

Zoe:
Fine. Don’t then.

Daniel:
I’m not going to.

Zoe:
I don’t care.

Daniel:
Yes you do.

Zoe:
Don’t tell me what I care about.


Daniel:
Don’t tell me you don’t care what I do. You evaluate every word I say and every move I make.

Zoe:
No I don’t. My world doesn’t revolve around you.

Daniel:
I know. The entire world revolves around you. You keep a running total of how much you’re getting. So what’s the score now Zoe?

Zoe:
What does that mean?

Daniel:
What is the score? How many points do you have?

Zoe:
What the hell are you talking about?

Daniel:
Aren’t you doing the math Zoe? Haven’t you calculated exactly where things stand between us at this very moment? How many things have I said that mean I care about “us” and how many that make me a cold-hearted bastard? Huh? How many?

Zoe:
What is wrong with you?

Daniel:
Nothing is wrong with me. I’m just tired of having every move I make evaluated. You are always keeping score. Some moves aren’t part of the game. Sometimes I do things because of who I am. Just me. Not me in relationship to you. Not every thing everyone says or does is a reflection of how much value you have at that moment.

Zoe:
I know that.

Daniel:
I don’t think you do. How many times have we been some where and you’ve gotten pissed off because I spent fifteen minutes talking to someone else and only fourteen minutes talking to you?

Zoe:
That’s ridiculous.

Daniel:
I know. It’s ridiculous and it’s true. How can you at the same time be so insecure and so egotistical?

Zoe:
I’m not egotistical. I think you’re projecting.


Daniel:
I am not projecting! I am calling your attention to a simple fact. You always have to have the edge.

Zoe:
What edge is that?

Daniel:
You always have to be the favorite.

Zoe:
I do not.

Daniel:
Yes, you do. Everyone’s Best Girl Zoe. It’s how you identify yourself. You’re so busy worrying about what happened ten minutes ago, or ten years ago. Keeping track of everything, dissecting, evaluating. You must be exhausted. Give it a break Zoe.

Zoe:
There is nothing wrong with being analytical.

Daniel:
There is when you miss out on what’s happening in the moment.

Zoe:
Oh, and you’re so free in the moment? You are constantly thinking about what happens next. What time is it? What are my options? Always have to keep those options open don’t ya Daniel?

Daniel:
What does that mean?

Zoe:
You can never make a decision. And forget about a commitment.

Daniel:
I can’t make a commitment? I got married didn’t I?

Zoe:
And how’d that work out for ya?

Daniel:
That’s it Zoe. This conversation is over.

Zoe:
You can rummage around in all my baggage, but yours is off limits?

Daniel:
I’m done for tonight Zoe.

Zoe:
So you’re just gonna shut down on me now? (He just stares at her.) Fine. That’s just great Daniel. Fabulous.

(Zoe stalks off into the tent. After a moment Daniel turns to follow her. His sleeping bag comes flying out of the tent. Daniel rolls out his bag. Daniel’s clock flies out of the tent. Daniel checks his clock, and settles in.)

(Lights fade out)

Sing it like you mean it.

Last week at work was hell. So on Friday night I decided that karaoke was called for. I phoned my favorite karaoke buddies, Jag and the other J guy and made plans. Now, you need to understand that this is a fairly recent pleasure for me. The first time I sang karaoke I was so scared I sang facing the rear monitor with my back to the audience, hands shaking in the grip of a powerful fear. This went on for some time. It had been a long time since I sang in public. In high-school I never got cast in the musicals which led me to believe that I cannot sing. Looking back, I think it was more that I can't dance, and I was competing against Audra McDonald who has since won 3 (4, 5?) Tony's on Broadway.
Anyway, Tokyo Gardens ain't broadway and those giant Saporos and couple of good men go along way to relaxing a girl. I think I sang 11 songs! The songs I remember singing are:
My staples: *Tracy Chapman's "Gimme One Reason." *Nick Gilder's "Hot Child in the City." Back up vocals (pleeeeease, pleeeeeease:) for the other J guy on *Stealers Wheels' "Stuck in the Middle with You." *Lynard Skynard's "Sweet Home Alabama." *REO Speedwagon's "Take it on the Run."
Some new ones: *Semi-sonic's "Secret Smile"- that is one boring karaoke song, won't try that again. *The Police's "De Doo Doo Doo, De Da Da Da" *The Beatle's "Let it Be"- with my friend Cynthia who showed up late into the night. *Quarter Flash's "Harden my Heart."
And 2 requests- *Pat Benetar's "Love is a Battlefield" (Yeah, it sure as hell is.) and *Fleetwood Mac's "Landslide."
My head was achin' at work on Saturday morning, but it was worth it, cuz' Damn that was fun!
So what do you all like to sing for karaoke, if you dare?

???

If the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results; What is doing everything differently and still getting the same result?